Wednesday, March 7, 2012

Sleepless Nights

I know you’ve all heard me talk about Connor, but I’m not sure you realize the extent of family he really is.  And by family, I mean child

Connor was my first baby… the one I gave up happy hour for.  The one who made me want to skip important lunches and walk the neighborhood in 3” heels and full business attire because I simply missed his sweet face and velvet ears. The one who taught me what caring for a newborn would be like as he cried from his kennel at all hours of the night.  The one who left that stinkin’ kennel (after being house-trained, of course) and became the best “snuggle puggle” bed-buddy in the entire world.  

This dog right here… he is the heart of our family.

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I was wracked with worry when Tyler and Caroline’s due date closed in, wondering how in the world Connor would adjust to his new brother and sister.  If you’ve been a reader of mine since then, you might even remember how he visited me in the hospital during my antepartum stay and I was a blubbering mess… in tears over the fact that he wouldn’t feel as loved when they came, and because his whole world was about to change and he had no clue.

Lucky for me, he came through it with flying colors.  He accepted his new siblings and loves them fiercely, and since I’ve become a stay at home mom to all three of them (hehe), I’m not sure Connor could be happier.  Herein lies the problem, though.  We are leaving the continental US for a whopping 6 weeks and Connor can’t go with us.  Just typing that out makes me want to hyperventilate, to be honest with you.

We’ve known since match-day in March 2010 that this time would come… the long-awaited light at the end of the tunnel.  Third year.  The finale.  HAWAII.  The year where your efforts are finally realized and you are offered the deal of a lifetime.  Who wouldn’t take a free apartment in Hawaii for a month?  We have been talking about this trip for years – literally – but now that it’s approaching at rapid speed I’m finding myself awake at all hours of the night worrying about my sweet Connor boy.  Who will ever take care of him like we do?  Love him like we do?  Keep him safe and protected like we do?  If only he could just go with us it would solve everything, but I would NEVER trust an airline with that precious cargo.  Not to mention Hawaii’s strict regulations on pets coming into the state… It’s not worth the risk.

I have more anxiety over this than you can imagine.  I stay up at night, lying there in bed as he’s curled into the crook of my body, rubbing his ears and worrying.  He’s so attached to us that it’s not funny… will HE be able to handle the stress of us leaving him this long?  Will he think we’re not coming back to get him??  These thoughts haunt me, as well as the memories of Caroline and Tyler’s birth when Connor got physically ill as he stayed at my mom’s house.  He was so upset that he honest-to-goodness trembled and got an upset stomach.  Mom called my hospital room to tell us that he was sick and I almost lost it… all those hormones you know. 

I’m hoping that between now and September I can find someone who will love Connor as much as we do and accept him as we do – in their home, at the cusp of their dinner table, on their laps (yes, our 45 lb puggle thinks he’s small enough for this), and in their bed.  It’s a tall order, which is why I’m so anxious.  On the flip side, though, is that whoever takes Connor in will undoubtedly fall so much in love with his gentle and cuddly nature that they won’t want to bring him home. 

Connor Boy belongs with us, though, and we fully intend to skype him on the regular.  I’m sure he’ll be fine wherever he goes for those 6 weeks.

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Let’s just hope I am.

3 comments:

  1. Connor will be fine....even if Pa & Granna, Trixie & Trey end up being his caretakers. Granna might have to sleep in the guest room with Connor, Trixie & Trey though! :-)
    Try not to worry honey....mama won't let you down!

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  2. I feel like I could have written this post! We moved out to California last year, and we had to come out here for a month to find a place to live, and we couldn't bring our sweet dog maisy. Insert my fear and panic. She's a boxer and like Connor, very very attached to us and very emotional. She also gets sick to her stomach when we leave her. She stayed with my parents, and that was the best thing for her because she knew them and I know that they loved her like we do. But I know how terrifying it is, and I'm the same way- ill never put her on an airplane! I wish I still lived in Atlanta, I would offer to keep Connor for you! But I know you'll find someone who will treat him like you do, so try not to worry too much! Oh, and we also skyped with her, but it would actually make her upset when she heard our voices that she couldnt find us.

    Sorry for the novel, but I understand exactly how you feel!

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  3. I had never thought of the skype thing like that! OH NO!! We have gotten through the idea of leaving him by going "well, we'll just skype him every single morning so we know he's ok." SAD!! You are so sweet, though... I wish you still lived in Atlanta too!

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